Are you in your 40’s or 50’s and feeling just a little lost? What is expected of you now? Maybe you have had a successful career so far or maybe you are finally ready to launch one but feel guilty investing time in yourself? Do you look at photos of a younger you and think ‘this is it, I’ll never look or feel that good again, just have to stumble on as best as I can’? Or are you optimistic about your future but wonder what is acceptable to pursue? Can I have fun, start a new career or venture, invest time in my health, body, looks? Do I have to start eating chia seeds? These are questions that I would like to explore with you.
"Be what you are.
This is the first step toward becoming better than you are."
Julius Charles Hare
Just to be clear, my Lady Chic Pea blog is not concerned with dishing out unwanted advice; it is not designed to control how you go about your life. The content is purely to share how I go about ‘doing me’ and what works for me (and what does not). It has taken a long time to learn to be me, so I am going to celebrate the fudge out of this! If anyone likes anything they see, then please go ahead and copy or adapt what I do to suit you and I am honoured to have been of service. Thank you (takes a bow). Ignore what you do not like. Please feel free to share what YOU do and what works for you; I would love for this to be a conversation and supportive platform. There are however, certain considerations I wish to draw your attention to before you go ahead and blindly follow where I am stumbling along. These include:
1. I fully accept that my way may not be everyone’s way
Just because I feel that metallic platform thigh boots are not a stylish accessory for a fifty year old young lady, that does not constitute a scientific fact, nor even part of our general social contract for what is or is not acceptable. There is much we can learn from each other.
2. We are all different so go at your own pace
Yes I know, this is not a profound statement, however, how often have you had to listen to advice from someone regarding what is ‘good’ for you? If you have great legs, then your ideal skirt length will differ from mine. Training for a marathon* when you have a heart condition, or eating walnuts for their good oils when you have a nut allergy could easily put you in the nearest A&E. Tread with caution when following advice and of course, consult your health care professional as necessary.
3. I don’t always follow my own rules
Well I never professed to be a saint did I? I do stuff that I am fully aware goes against what I would advocate; this could be due to lack of willpower or resources, laziness or sheer defiance. We all have our ‘couldn’t give a f***’ moments; hello chocolate mousse cake (well it’s vegan so it’s fine right?).
These will do for now. I think you get the point? Having said that, I do think it is important for every woman, whatever her age, to feel confident, beautiful (in every sense of the word) and good about herself. We are awesome human beings who have accomplished the extraordinary in our journey as friends, sisters, wives, mothers, teachers, counsellors, carers, engineers, doctors the list goes on…. All this whilst fighting for our right to be seen, heard and respected as equals in our society.
"She wore her sexuality with an older woman's ease, and not like an awkward purse, never knowing how to hold it, where to hang it, or when to just put it down."
Zadie Smith
Who Am I at Fifty?
Be you! There, that should be easy should it not? If only…. If, like me, you have come to realise that trying to please everyone else never works (Mary Poppins cracked it, but don’t set yourself up for failure), you may have come to the conclusion that adopting a degree of selfishness may make you a better person to be around. That, in itself, may well do more for others, than foolishly second guessing what you think is the right thing and consequently upsetting everyone. If you are comfortable in your own shoes (or metallic platforms), then people around you will not only be comfortable around you, but may also gain much from your calm and level headed presence. Being kind to yourself facilitates kindness to others. I believe that kindness is more than just an act; it is a state of being and thinking. Acts can be carried out for point scoring, popularity, promotions, climbing social ladders or simply to quell guilt. Harbouring kindness towards others from within involves humility, acceptance, forgiveness and positive energy towards others. Wishing others well removes hate, jealousy and insecurity from the equation. This is not an end state of course, and we can all be judgmental (you take your child to McDonalds??) however, it is the awareness and the intention to be better that resonates with our higher selves and improves us. As I have said before, I reiterate – I am not trying to be Mother Theresa, but a better version of myself. Looking after myself and my needs enables this process, and it is very much still a work in progress.
Confidence first, then comes beauty
The unintended consequence of this is, that the confidence that comes with pleasing yourself** enhances your beauty and allure. It gives you youth, vitality and a confident beguiling sense of style and self-assurance. Only when I look after myself properly, internally and externally, can I be of better service to others. That may be simply having the emotional energy to support them or the physical energy to assist them with some practical difficulty. We all deserve to grow and flourish, and this, lovely people, includes those of us going through our middle years. Many of us are in a position to unfold untold talents that have been lying dormant during the years of partying, working and raising families, among other things. When wishing others well, please do not forget yourselves; if you do, you may become invisible and the whole world misses out on what you truly are, even if it’s an elderly neighbour who looks forward to seeing your smile and exchanging some cheerful banter every so often. Me? I am still raising a family and trying to develop my writing and photography, but it is very early days.
What Am I Currently Focussing On?
Decluttering and minimising … or minimalising? You choose. Either way, I am not a minimalist, just an essentialist (based on need and love; you may need 5 things, or 500? It doesn’t matter, but anything outside the realm of needs and wants is clutter to me, so has no place ).
Getting back into exercise and finding what is right for me – this is changing as my body changes;
Using good quality, organic and vegan skincare;
Taking the supplements for my body’s needs and for optimum skincare;
Eating a plant based diet – wholefood at least 80% of the time, with around 20% at most, allocated to treats such as vegan ice cream and wine;
Developing myself and skill building.
I would really love to hear what you are working on, how you are developing yourself or how you are handling the middle years. I would welcome any tips and advice, as I would like this to be a sharing platform where we can hang out together and share our experiences.
*you will NEVER EVER see me training for a marathon!
**without being an asshole – (thanks and acknowledgement to Sarah Knight ‘You Do You’)