It is Never too late to start afresh

What do I want from my life? Have you asked yourself that question lately? You have reached a milestone – thirty, forty, fifty, ninety? You despair that you have not ticked all the boxes in life, or that you have ticked them all, and what now? How do you feel? Are you happy with where you are in life, career, relationships, accomplishments? Do you see more treasures unfolding before you? Or does an underlying dissatisfaction sit in the pit of your stomach, not like a rock, or butterflies, but like a lingering, persistent discomfort? Are you still waiting for your life to begin?

You can answer ‘yes’, if ‘yes’ is the answer. It is OK to want more even when you have many gifts to be grateful for: health, family, friends, sunny days, chocolate… You can be grateful for rain nourishing your parched seedlings, whilst simultaneously wishing for sun as you stand and get drenched at the bus stop. You can be grateful for a gift of an exquisite pen whilst wanting to go and find the perfect journal, the pages of which will welcome the words that will flow from that pen. Perhaps you live a life of gratitude, with an income that keeps the bills paid, whilst silently thinking, ‘I am invisible … to myself’.

Listen to Your Inner Wisdom

If that is you, and you want to change this, then I will tell you where I started. What I discovered was that often elusive inner wisdom which sounds ‘woo’ at first, but I assure you, is nothing but logical. Let me guide you through my steps and see what you think? My post on Turning Fifty and Embracing Vulnerability might reassure you if you feel apprehensive in any way.

To begin, you need space and clarity. Inner critics must be shown the door, for now; they are not invited to this meeting. (I say ‘they’ because many of us have more than one). Now is the time to find whatever calms you, whether you meditate, practise yoga, walk, dance or peel potatoes - anything to focus your mind and stop your body from doing a million things. For me, it was all of those things, and my journal. Writing through your meandering thoughts and ideas is like navigating a labyrinth where you are never sure where your next word will take you. Writing unleashes a myriad of thoughts from places you did not know existed, within you. How amazing is that?

Journal Prompts and Questions

In order to reveal your what? your why? your how? journal prompts trigger interesting and revealing responses. These can be tackled individually or merged into one brain dump of twenty-six letters of the alphabet rearranged to form seedlings of insight, on the page. Assuming you have found some time, and space, consider the questions below; dig deep and close your eyes if it helps you to picture scenes and remember stories:

• When you receive a compliment, one that excites you and in your mind you are punching the air, what is it usually for?

  • To clarify: if you despise cooking, but you happened to produce a good meal one evening (that was not out of a packet), and your family relished every morsel, did you feel that tingling happiness that comes from something you connect with? Or do you feel joy because you love your family and you brought them happiness and this happiness is not linked to the act of cooking. You could be happy that you have risen to the task, cooking a delicious meal, and you have succeeded; you are happy because you have challenged yourself, persevered and succeeded. Is it the succeeding, or the cooking? I do not want to labour this point, but I want you to strip away the layers until you come back to you.

• Go back in time to your childhood, teenagehood and early adulthood. Now ask the same question: what did you want to be complimented for the most? If you received high praise for a maths grade, yet no one acknowledged your distinction for an art project, how did that make you feel? How would you have felt if this scenario were reversed?

• When you were left to your own devices as a child, what did you choose to get up to? Did you watch things, daydream, draw, take things apart and put them back together again? What did you enjoy doing and carry on doing, as you matured?

• Did you take your options at school enthusiastically or did you take what you thought others wanted you to take, enabling you to get a job for life? (I am aware that for some of us, this was a long time ago, you may not remember but do your best).

• Did you follow the crowd? Or lead it? This one is hard, but nobody is looking; be honest.

• When you thought about possible life and career choices, did you only think about the endpoint or, the process? What I mean here is, did you think about the status, the suits, the glamorous image of being a barrister, hedge fund manager or a celebrity hairdresser? Did you research the nitty-gritty? Were you drawn to standing on your feet all day styling Hollywood divas’ hair? Did the prospect of long hours wading through boxes and files of documents, scrutinising legal loopholes until late into the night, with the pressure of having to attract more clients to your law firm, fill you with a ‘yes it is all worth it’ resolve? What premise underpinned your initial ideas?

• Were there things that you secretly wished for, but thought your ideas were too far-fetched?

• What would your life look like today, had you pursued this different line? Even if you had not succeeded, and ended up where you are now, would you feel better for having tried and failed?

• If you started to pursue a new thing today, for example, you started to research this idea, and devoted a small regular amount of time to it, where could you be in ten years?

Gaining Clarity

Are your ideas still hazy? I have a simple but powerful exercise for you. I am excited to share this one with you and hope that it helps you find not only clarity but motivation and a new awakening:

Make yourself comfortable and put on some music that calms you but does not distract you; this can be soft classical, whale sounds, chants or complete silence.

Sit in a relaxed position or lie down, and make yourself comfortable. Now take a couple of deep breaths and exhale hard to remove any tension from your body.

Now it is time to imagine; imagine you are at an awards ceremony. This could be around a campfire with banjo players, or a lavish black-tie affair with twinkling chandeliers, and sparkly champagne flowing amidst decadence and lively chatter. The important part is … you are up for an award!

Yes, the first prize has not yet been announced and everyone is silent as the name is about to be read out.

‘The first prize for an outstanding entry for …………… is ………. (insert your name).

That name is yours.

You have won!

You swallow in disbelief and attempt to hold back tears as you attempt to stand but you are shaking too much. This is a dream. Is it really true?  You have wanted this for so long and it has finally come to be. You have won the coveted prize for ….. what exactly. What have you achieved? What is it that you have done that means so much, that makes you feel proud, accomplished? Could that be linked to the thing that you need to explore today? Eventually, given time, you may discover that the thing you want to excel at, is a tiny thing, and the recognition you seek, only small, or perhaps internal? The applause is rising from within you and its crescendo is visible in the brightness of your eyes.  

There is quite a lot to digest there, and this is not a quick fix; it can be for some but open yourself to the idea of slowing down and taking your time with this. Consider the questions above and meditate on them, go for a walk with them, or even talk to yourself; this can aid the process. Then pick up your pen and write it out. Let thoughts transform into words and see what happens.

Do not hold back or reign in fantastical ideas. Remember the well circulated quote that includes the words: …dance like nobody’s watching? Well write like nobody’s reading. Do not edit what you write - spellings, grammar, vocabulary, thoughts, dreams – none of this matters in free-flow writing.

As an example, I have written out my version; please see a snippet below:

“If someone received a higher grade in maths, or a medal for a sporting event, I applauded them, that was their thing; then I applauded myself if I had improved on my previous performance. However, if someone else’s story was read out over mine, or they achieved a higher grade for English, or a piece of artwork, well, I felt a distinct pinch in the area around where my ego resided. That was inner wisdom speaking to me. That was the thing that mattered.”

Subscribers to my Gentle Stories of Discovery may read the full journal entry; I will provide the link in the next letter on the last day of this month. It is personal and only slightly edited for clarity, but please remember there is no right or wrong way to do this. If you sign up, you will also receive a gift from me: ‘Journal prompts for decision making’. In the meantime, have a go yourself. Then, if you would like to see my example to nudge you along, or you would like to join me for more ways to gently tread your path, please subscribe below to receive the link. Until next time, I wish everyone well and hope you stay safe; and if you are one our hero keyworkers, THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart.