Positive at fifty

Positive Midlife Transition is not a Midlife Crisis?

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A Brief Look at Midlife as One of Life’s Transitions

All transitions can be scary. There, that's the truth. Midlife is yet another transition in life with physical and mental effects; however, remember puberty? Learning to walk? (probably not), your first broken heart? It is a challenging time when, as teenagers, we discover changes to our body and moods … yikes! The moment you find out that your body could potentially reproduce is the same moment a layer of your security blanket is lifted. This security blanket is 'childhood'.

The dynamics that had formed the unspoken consensus of what it means to be a child have changed. You have embarked on a new road leading to a new version of mutual respect. You may feel the level of security afforded by parental rules, expectations, and control is diminishing. At around twelve years of age, this was, of course, totally irrational and slightly premature, but there was a definite shift in the balance of independence and control.

Parental fears of you falling and grazing your knee become memories saturated with nostalgia because now, greater concerns emerge. These greater concerns lead to parental attempts at greater control. (And often house arrest or was that just me?). More often than not, heated arguments and door slamming rituals ensue. My point is, those times were not all Tinkerbell and unicorns

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like
— Lau Tzu

Midlife and Menopause are not a Crisis

The point I wish to make is this: when we speak about the menopause, yes it can be difficult for some women, yes it hits us all in different ways, and yes, the weight is harder to keep off. On the other hand, there are many positives too.

Beauty is subjective and takes many forms, enter the increasing number of women choosing to embrace their grey and redefine beauty. Consider also, that the wealth of experience we have to offer, not only to others but also to ourselves, is priceless.

No one has experienced ‘you’ as much as you. It may be time to practice mindfulness about the present and the past to indeed reveal our true authentic selves to ourselves. It is time to do anything at all that enables that awareness to rise within us because ladies, knowledge is power; knowledge about ourselves is a superpower.

With great power comes great responsibility
— Spriderman

Embracing Midlife Transitions

We could bemoan every transition in life if we wanted to wallow in misery, or alternatively, once acknowledged, we can do something about our current challenges. As with any transition, there are obstacles to negotiate (spots, hormones kicking in …) but once addressed sensibly and positively, we can move on to enjoying the new phase. Let's face it, new things are fun! Perennial women everywhere are challenging midlife stereotypes, breaking out of their society-imposed comfort zones and redefining ageing by living their best lives.

Positive Ageing, Self-Care in Midlife and Taking Action

Consider what you need to do personally to optimise your midlife; that could be HRT, yoga, sweet potatoes or Soya Isoflavithingymajigs. Use an organisation app on your phone if you need to, (Trello is a good option); take Gingko Biloba if you are prone to forgetfulness; take skin boosting supplements; find your comfort zone regarding exercise and, ultimately, be positive. Once those areas have been addressed, put them on autopilot – this is the brand new YOU, and get on with living what could be the best part of your life.

Life does not begin at forty, or fifty or even zero; life begins whenever you decide. Life begins ‘now'. The older you are, the more experience you have had, the more mistakes you have made and the more connections you have established. Therefore, the better position you are in to get the hell on with it and make a damn good job of it. This is unless, of course, you are anything like me where you never learn. You just muddle through the complexities of life with your skirt tucked in your knickers and loo roll stuck to your heel… in blissful oblivion.

Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
— Rumi

New Perspectives at Fifty and Beyond

I am grateful that I am an adult, that I no longer have to do homework and be ridiculed by red biro all over my work. I no longer have to be told when I can and cannot speak to the person sitting next to me or put my hand up when needing the loo. I can choose when I am allowed to eat treats and if that is chocolate before a meal, then so be it. If you disagree with an assumption someone has made about you, you can protest without fear of being given a detention or having your Xbox confiscated.

‘Ageing in an extraordinary process where you become the person you always should have been.
— David Bowie

You may have a new independence if your children have left home. Alternatively, you may still be honoured with having younger children who help to keep you on your toes and youthful. Perhaps you wish to learn new things or take up a new interest? Perhaps you have realised that you never really wanted half of the stuff around you and you declutter? Perhaps you have been keeping company with people who are not the best fit for you … and for whom you are not the best fit either?

You have my permission (should you need it) to go back to when you were a toddler and re-learn the word ‘NO'! Others may find you difficult but then … do you really care? Gift yourself the privilege of discernment and choose YOU.

By choosing you, the authentic you, you are genuinely gifting yourself to those around you too. You will no longer waste the time of others when you appear as you are, with your unique set of gifts, flaws, and personality. This is preferable to a nodding, resentfully complying, and artificial self who will inevitably disappoint when you cannot or will not deliver.

A Mindful Midlife

Take care of yourself through healthy eating, time spent outdoors, some form of exercise, yoga, meditation, good skincare and decluttering your life. This will not only help you but enable you to be a better version of yourself for those with whom you choose to surround yourself. An astute sense of self can prevent preoccupation with oneself and afford increased engagement with others.

Quality time with no distractions

Show up for people who matter and if you are going to show up, be present! That means having a drink with a friend without having your phone on the table next to the coffee. You have set aside time for the person with you, not the person texting you or posting on social media. Show the person you are with, the respect they deserve by being there for them. You will not have that same moment again and each moment lost, is a thread of connection lost. Eventually, the rope will snap under too great a pressure.

So, embrace your age whatever that may be – five to fifty and beyond! Reflect on what makes you truly happy because then, you can visibly shine, and a shining star is a guiding light for all, no matter how long it has been in the sky.

Do not let there be a glass ceiling on your potential

Do not let there be a glass ceiling on your potential

I will leave you with these words of wisdom which, through their simplicity, articulate positivity, hope, and joy:

For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.
— Eric Roth, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button Screenplay

What Thoughts Does International Women's Day Ignite?

Chic Over Fifty at Fuerta Ventura

Feminism Is Not A Tickbox

There are many good men in this world who claim to be feminists, who claim to respect women and strive, in their own way, to fight for women’s rights alongside them.  However, I have yet to meet a man who actually ‘gets’ it.  It is not in the big gestures, promotions, and declarations of respect.  Most of these areas are like moving particles gravitating towards the magnet of equal status and pay in the professional domain or a conversation touching domestic duties.

For I conclude that the enemy is not lipstick, but guilt itself; we deserve lipstick, if we want it, AND free speech; we deserve to be sexual AND serious – or whatever we please. We are entitled to wear cowboy boots to our own revolution
— Naomi Wolf
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Women, Choices and Comparisons

There is, unfortunately, a deeper core of attitude that permeates society and is the institutionalised patriarchy that permeates every expectation, conversation or action.  All too often equality is measured against male standards.  Pay women the same as men; give women positions of power like the men; give women a day off from chores by doing the dishes once a week. 

How about an alternative version, where women do not want what men have?  Where they make their own individual choices that may differ from male expectations?  Then, on choosing an alternative path, they are valued and respected for what they are and what they bring, rather than having to face comparison for not ‘achieving’ in the same way. 

I think the best role models for women are people who are fruitfully and confidently themselves, who bring light into the world
— Meryl Streep

You Don’t Have To Step Into My Shoes

Worse still, is when a man attempts to put himself in a woman’s shoes in any given situation and assume that he can make a judgement based on what he would feel.  Undeniably, that is impossible because he has never been a woman, in a woman’s role, with women’s history and the deep-rooted emotional triggers that exist because of that very history, experience and conditioning.  This conditioning is like DNA that has passed down through generations of women, but we now know that DNA can be changed, according to epigenetic theory ‘DNA can be altered through magnetic fields, heart coherence, positive mental states and intention. Top scientists around the world agree: genetic determinism is a flawed theory.’ * I just had to put that out there. 

This does, sadly, put our male friends at a distinct disadvantage yet my point is: occasionally, we should not attempt to put ourselves in someone else’s shoes, to feel empathy, to understand.  There are times when a person simply needs to be believed and trusted, not understood.  It is OK to say ‘I don’t get it … but I trust that what you say is real.  I won’t judge you.  I won’t try to fix you.  I have your back’

Half face with scarf.png Reflective over fifty woman

‘‘I am a woman with thoughts and questions and shit to say. I say if I'm beautiful. I say if I'm strong. You will not determine my story–I will’’

Amy Schumer

Still Learning at Fifty

There has been much written on diversity and inclusion lately on Instagram and on blog posts.  I look to see what I am asked to do to help, but refrain from commenting or preaching for fear of trying to appear that I totally understand.  Coming from a place of privilege where the worst I encountered was being teased in the playground for being Polish, I couldn’t possibly be so presumptuous as to claim an understanding by proxy. 

It has taken much thought and soul searching to get my ass off its organic cotton cushion and accept that there are some situations that I don’t have a right to understand, just as there are people who will not have the right to understand me – not only as a woman, but as an individual. 

All that we can do, as decent human beings, is to question assumptions and have each other’s backs.  It is not always about saying ‘I hear you’ but ‘I am listening…’

*https://www.naturalnews.com/042157_DNA_transformation_science_epigenetics.html

Minimalising

Oh my wordicles! Everyone appears to be decluttering, minimalising, scandivising and just generally chucking their lifetime’s accumulation of stuff into the metaphorical and often actual bin - yikes! Surely I will need that incomplete set of twelve cocktail glass stem rings that aunty whoever bought me for my twenty first? (Why is it always aunties that are picked on?). Anyway, what if I hate minimalism and all these boring old white walls and drawers with no nobs on (how impractical)?

Minimalst interior styling - bathroom

Minimalizing as Streamlining

Well let me clarify two frequent misconceptions here; firstly, some people like and need a lot of things around them; we all differ in what brings us comfort; secondly, minimalising is NOT necessarily about adopting a minimalist lifestyle nor is it about minimal décor. Whilst those things are, well … things, they are not for the majority and are a separate subject.

Beauty in simplicity

Beauty in simplicity

One could be living in a minimally decorated house with one of fifty shades of white on the walls and monochrome cats, yet still have an impeccably ordered dressing room with cupboards accommodating the largest collection of clothes, toiletries, beauty gadgets, cosmetics etc, many of which are simply gathering dust. That is not a minimalist lifestyle, it is minimalist décor. They often go hand in hand and although my aesthetic preferences lean towards an uncluttered, but still cosy look, that doesn't have to be your bag.

Whenever I have moved house, the best part has been sorting and discarding stuff I no longer need, never really needed or that has outlived its use - fleecy lama pants? Be gone! Contraception no longer required here! (Sniggers unapologetically). The process has been cathartic and strangely liberating. Aren’t we bizarre creatures? We feel great when we get rid of stuff, then feel even better when we go out and buy more stuff!

Marie Kondo, Appreciation and Sparking Joy

Minimal interiors small window

Personally, I like to settle for a kind of compromising ‘cosy minimalism’. This means that I do not like to be surrounded by unaccounted for stuff; I have to know what is in every drawer and do not want things that are neither beautiful nor useful. For clarity, if something is neither aesthetically beautiful nor practically useful yet makes you happy, it may well, on reflection, deserve both labels. Beauty is not limited to aesthetics and anything that adds personal value should be considered useful. As Marie Kondo herself advocates, the things we own, the things in our homes should ‘spark joy’. Therefore, if your ‘back end of a donkey’ costume from the only pantomime you ever starred in sparks joy, and you need to have it in your life, then keep it! However, put it somewhere where you are able to see it, sometimes, and enjoy it. I will leave that one with you my friends, so no elaborations in the comments please?

If you have no idea where or how to start, then you could do a lot worse than read The Life Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo. Even if you choose not to follow her method, just reading it fills you with positivity and good intentions. You can then go and do your thing, your way.

What are the Benefits to Decluttering?

Easier to find things - less stress, less timewasting, less duplicate purchases;

More chance of noticing things you love and enjoying them - the idea is not to get rid of as much stuff as possible, but to get rid of stuff that no longer serves or delights you; you are then left to enjoy what is meaningful and/or useful;

Less decisions to be made when there is less choice - who needs five spare pillows and three potato peelers in different colours anyway?

More physical space - things that should not be out, should have a home, eliminating the need to navigate an obstacle course just to retrieve aforementioned potato peeler (the blue one matches today’s outfit please?);

More head space - excess clutter can cause actual stress, whereas a calm uncluttered physical space is mirrored in the mind. To allow the mind to breathe, is to allow it to either rest, play or create according to its needs;

Calmer life - stress causes all manner of undesirable things to happen to our bodies, from frown wrinkles and hot flushes to hormonal mayhem, all of which are ageing; my tip for ageing positively? Streamline, declutter and enjoy your chosen possessions;

Easier to manage anxiety and brain fog - clutterfree spaces equal a clutterfree mind; that must surely help to lift some of the fog and facilitate..

Clearer thinking - this deserves its own line; for some, turning fifty and going through the menopause can hinder clear thinking; trouble sleeping, migraines, anxiety, hot flushes and hormone fluctuations to name but a few of the possible reasons behind this;

Clutter is the physical manifestation of unmade decisions fuelled by procrastination
— Christina Scalise, Organise Your Life and More

Promotes appreciation and gratitude for what we have in our lives - now that our ‘spark joy’ pieces are not stifled by excess;

Better for the environment when you buy less and buy mindfully - using up existing products and only when they run out, replacing with thoughtful sustainable choices is the way forward;

Easier to keep your house clean and tidy - well it is simple really, less stuff equals less to tidy, less to clean and less to find a home for;

Less dust mites - well, ‘things’ are dust traps are they not?

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‘‘The best way to decide what we really need, is to get rid of what we don’t

Marie Kondo

I have definitely found that knowing where everything is and not wasting time rifling means that I have more headspace to tackle what I need to. The gratitude that accompanies the mindfulness of living with less, may bring about a deeper satisfaction with life and a decreased reliance on having the next ‘new’ thing. Again, it clarifies what you actually want/need, rather than what you think you should want/need.

Where to Start with Decluttering

Streamlining my wardrobe is a work in progress

Streamlining my wardrobe is a work in progress

Marie Kondo advises to start with your wardrobe, and I would agree. This involves gathering every item you own and making a pile, then the sorting begins. Why clothes first? Well, the reasoning is that clothes are generally the things we attach the least sentimentality to (there are exceptions of course; exibit A: back end of donkey costume). We tend to create the least attachment to clothes so it is probably the easiest category to start with. Believe me, I have not yet regretted any of the items I have sent to charity shops, given away or sold.

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication
— Leonardo da Vinci

I have some ideas for you about making a start on your wardrobes and I am happy to share them, along with a list of my favourite bloggers in this area. Click ‘comments’, and send me a message or go to ‘contact me’ and send me an email stating that you would be interested in this and I will forward you a list of handy tips that helped me, when I started to streamline my wardrobe. I am very much on a journey with this myself and am following advice from others who are nailing the living with less philosophy. You are invited on my journey and encouraged to offer your tips for simplifying your life and parting with things that you have grown unnecessarily attached to. Send me a message to say ‘Hi’ and introduce yourself. I would love to hear your thoughts.





The Instagram (Fiftygram) Party - How Our Authentic Style Can Be Compromised for the Gram

It often works like this: you sit on a Saturday morning in your fleece pyjamas (OK, your elegant White Company loungewear) and see an image of the perfect outfit on Instagram. ‘This IS ME!’ you declare to no one in particular. ‘This is SOOO me, I now know what I need to buy to make my wardrobe perfect and complete YESSS!’ All that is required is a purchase of 8 of these vests, because I will want to wear them EVERY day and an extra one just in case (of what exactly?); I will of course require those elegant pants in two colours and that long cardi for layering. Then of course there are the accessories - the cheek kissing earrings, the tantalising necklace that sits just so on your décolletage and the statement bangle. Finally, there is THE bag! The bag that will finish off the outfit, serve you every day and indicate to everyone WHO you are.

Are you a ‘keep it simple, play it safe’ kinda lady?

Are you a ‘keep it simple, play it safe’ kinda lady?

Curating Your Perfect Image in Mid-Life

Having acquired the necessary items through various means - shopping spree, eBay, charity shop or even a ‘as good as damn it’ similar item lurking in the deepest crevice of your wardrobe (it ended up there for a reason?), you excitedly attire yourself in said perfect garments to create the look of your dreams …. or not! Oh dear, what is this, at best uninspiring, at worst, f@?>+$%g ridiculous concoction of garments before you?  Where will I where this?  It’s certainly not an evening outfit but would I go shopping in it? Hell no! Would I even meet a friend for coffee in this?  Yes, if I am prepared to sit bolt upright with carefully choreographed arm movements in order to even feel comfortable. Then there’s the issue of never removing the long cardi because you forgot to buy the appropriate underwear for these pants which are tighter on your ass than you bargained for. The bangle is a pain as it bangs on the table whenever I pick my coffee cup up, the earrings get caught on my scarf and the back flies off. There is an innocent victim, a man in the corner with a strategically placed earring butterfly on the top of his head. The necklace is giving you a rash because it is made of the devil’s metal. As for the bag, well I can’t put it on my shoulder because there’s no strap, I can’t hang it on the chair for the same reason, and it doesn’t accommodate my phone, my purse and my facial reconstruction kit? 

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All Dressed Up and Nowhere to Go?

On reflection, if I stand in a certain pose, look in a specific direction, bend my knee, half smile and tilt my bum/head/ shoulder just so, and on no account … walk, this outfit is perfect for what exactly? …..

… INSTAGRAM! YESSS! …

That’s it, I have the perfect look for an Instagram party! Let’s pour a glass of prosecco (that we are not going to drink at 11am) to complete the look (why open a new bottle, sparkling spring will do - they’ll never know) and let’s party!

Life is a party. Dress for it
— Audrey Hepburn

Style Matters at Any Age

There is an art to curating your perfect wardrobe at fifty or any age, and it takes practice.  I’m still practising, exhibit B: slightly yellowed T-shirt for wearing under things – Really?  If you are looking at decluttering and minimising your stash of clothes, carefully considering what works for you is key.  Otherwise, you will never feel ‘lagom’, not too much, not too little, but just right.  That place is different for everyone.  There is the further complication that your efforts to simplify your wardrobe will become futile as a steady stream of new items enters your life to fulfil the dissatisfaction you experience.  Sometimes we feel comfortable, sometimes we feel we look good; our unicorn moment is when we feel both.  The latter is of course subjective, and it only matters that ‘we feel we look good’. 

Newcastle in cable jumper

“Everyone has his own style. When you have found it, you should stick to it”

Audrey Hepburn

True Elegance is Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin

Ultimately, we only need to please ourselves.  Over fifty style is whatever enables you to walk, talk, drink, chat and stay upright without thinking about it. In my humble opinion, feeling comfortable is more conducive to engaging with our environment and the people around us, feeling at ease and smiling more; that ultimately makes us far more attractive.  We are all different, and if we are meant to wear an elaborate flamboyant unusually cut garment, we will wear it often and with ease.  It will feel right, and it will feel like YOU; if it doesn’t, why build that internal wall between your body and your mind, between your body and your authentic self?

Dress as if you are already famous
— Audrey Hepburn
Who am I kidding? I should have worn a jacket … it was freezing!

Who am I kidding? I should have worn a jacket … it was freezing!

An Outlet for Creativity

Instagram is healthy if it is viewed as art.  A beautifully curated feed with skilful photography and engaging aesthetic can be viewed as a piece of artwork.  It may serve as an inspiration for stylish interiors, yoga practice, a vegan diet and many other things.  Recognising the reality of an Instagram account’s purpose, is a healthy way to enjoy and participate in the community.  There are things I can learn, ideas I can try and beautiful words and pictures for me to enjoy.  When I’ve done that, I’m putting on my favourite jeans, top and earrings (with one butterfly missing …. Oops!) and going for a coffee ….

 

September

Rag Mill Window

For me, this is the month of exciting anticipation.  Summer is over, we have rested and warmed our bodies - some fried, baked or toasted even, and the freshness of Autumn is lifting our spirits.  Often there is still sun, using up the remains of its warmth before settling down for the colder months of the year in the UK.  I will always miss the sunshine, but for me, and perhaps many us, September is a fresh start.  Children go back to school or university and routines are re-established.  New books, new uniforms, new weekday suppers and maybe a few new items of clothing for the new season (if we need to replace anything).  For me, September really feels like a New Year, much more so than January when we are still full of baubles and John Lewis adverts, and New Year feels like an anti-climax, an end to all the fun.  

Whilst in summer, I have more motivation to rest and play, in autumn and winter, I want to keep moving and be productive.  This is the time when I am more inclined to make new year's resolutions.  This is the time when I feel motivated to make fresh starts or realise ideas that have been rattling around in my head.  The new term at school has started today and I feel ready to tackle unfinished projects, start new ones, get back into yoga and generally kick ass.  

Fire and Scones

It has been a busy and trying year for me.  Despite my advice to everyone else, I have not been taking as much care of myself as I should have been; basically, I have been the pot to your kettle.  With the onset of menopause, I have noticed that not all of my previous behaviours work for me anymore.  Changes in my body have been noticeable and I have been at war with the 'why bother?' attitude.  Why not wait for winter with its cosy chill, and sit by the fire with a mug of the mulled stuff and read a good book?  You are all with me aren't you?  I can hear you scuttling away to log on to 'Just Eat' and fiddling with the Netflix controls.  Why not have it all?  We have the gift of experience, the capacity to grow and the wisdom that comes from making many mistakes.  I want to eat well, have fun, exercise, travel and look after myself ….. then, sit down with a good book and glass of wine, by a crackling fire. 

With Happy in White

"You must learn a new way to think before you can master a new way to be"

Marianne Williamson

 

 

With the onset of this new year, I am ready to thank my body and thank it for going through the processes it needs to go through.  It has progressed from childhood, navigated its way around adolescence (albeit the long way around ha ha) and blundered through the maze of young adulthood with all of its expectations and disappointments.  I can make this stage easier by gratefully acknowledging the changes that turning fifty brings, making appropriate adjustments and adopting new strategies.  Who knows what exciting new things I will learn along the way and what amazing people I have yet to meet?

Happy New Year everyone!  I hope September is an awesome month for you and that it is choc full of promise and excitement! 

Send me your comments by clicking on 'comments' and then writing in the box.  I would love to hear your experiences and when you feel the year starts.

Being Yourself at Fifty

Are you in your 40’s or 50’s and feeling just a little lost?  What is expected of you now?  Maybe you have had a successful career so far or maybe you are finally ready to launch one but feel guilty investing time in yourself?  Do you look at photos of a younger you and think ‘this is it, I’ll never look or feel that good again, just have to stumble on as best as I can’?  Or are you optimistic about your future but wonder what is acceptable to pursue?  Can I have fun, start a new career or venture, invest time in my health, body, looks?  Do I have to start eating chia seeds?  These are questions that I would like to explore with you.  

Walking near Jagiellonian Uni

"Be what you are.

This is the first step toward becoming better than you are."

Julius Charles Hare

Just to be clear, my Lady Chic Pea blog is not concerned with dishing out unwanted advice; it is not designed to control how you go about your life.  The honest truth is, Lady Chic Pea is unashamedly about ‘me’.  The content is purely to share how I go about ‘doing me’ and what works for me (and what does not).  It has taken a long time to learn to be me, so I am going to celebrate the fudge out of this!  If anyone likes anything they see, then please go ahead and copy or adapt what I do to suit you and I am honoured to have been of service.  Thank you (takes a bow).  Ignore what you do not like.  Please feel free to share what YOU do and what works for you; I would love for this to be a conversation and supportive platform.  There are however, certain considerations I wish to draw your attention to before you go ahead and blindly follow where I am stumbling along.  These include:

1.  I fully accept that my way may not be everyone’s way

Just because I feel that metallic platform thigh boots are not a stylish accessory for a fifty year old young lady (or maybe for anyone??), that does not constitute a scientific fact, nor even part of our general social contract for what is or is not acceptable.  There is much we can learn from each other. 

2.  We are all different so go at your own pace

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Yes I know, this is not a profound statement, however, how often have you had to listen to advice from someone regarding what is ‘good’ for you?  If you have great legs, then your ideal skirt length will differ from mine.  Training for a marathon* when you have a heart condition or eating walnuts for their good oils when you have a nut allergy could easily put you in the nearest A&E.  Tread with caution when following advice and of course, consult your health care professional as necessary.

 

3.  I don’t always follow my own rules

Well I never professed to be a saint did I?  I do stuff that I am fully aware goes against what I would advocate; this could be due to lack of willpower or resources, laziness or sheer defiance.  We all have our ‘couldn’t give a f***’ moments; hello chocolate mousse cake (well it’s vegan so it’s fine right?).

These will do for now.  I think you get the point?  Having said that, I do think it is important for every woman, whatever her age, to feel confident, beautiful (in every sense of the word) and good about herself.  We are awesome human beings who have accomplished the extraordinary in our journey as friends, sisters, wives, mothers, teachers, counsellors, carers, engineers, doctors the list goes on….  All this whilst fighting for our right to be seen, heard and respected as equals in our society.

Tattoo and Bikini shot

"She wore her sexuality with an older woman's ease, and not like an awkward purse, never knowing how to hold it, where to hang it, or when to just put it down."

Zadie Smith

Who Am I at Fifty?

Be you!  There, that should be easy should it not?  If only….  If, like me, you have come to realise that trying to please everyone else never works (Mary Poppins cracked it, but don’t set yourself up for failure), you may have come to the conclusion that adopting a degree of selfishness may make you a better person to be around.  That, in itself, may well do more for others, than foolishly second guessing what you think is the right thing and consequently upsetting everyone.  If you are comfortable in your own shoes (or metallic platforms), then people around you will not only be comfortable around you, but also may well gain much from your calm and level headed presence.  Being kind to yourself facilitates kindness to others.  I believe that kindness is more than just an act; it is a state of being and thinking.  Acts can be carried out for point scoring, popularity, promotions, climbing social ladders or simply to quell guilt.  Harbouring kindness towards others from within involves humility, acceptance, forgiveness and positive energy towards others.  Wishing others well removes hate, jealousy and insecurity from the equation.  This is not an end state of course, and we can all be judgmental (you take your child to McDonalds??) however, it is the awareness and the intention to be better that resonates with our higher selves and improves us.  As I have said before, I reiterate – I am not trying to be Mother Theresa, but a better version of myself.  Looking after myself and my needs enables this process, and it is very much still a work in progress.

Meditating on bench at saltburn

Confidence first, then comes beauty

The unintended consequence of this is that the confidence that comes with pleasing yourself** enhances your beauty and allure.  It gives you youth, vitality and a confident beguiling sense of style and self-assurance.  Only when I look after myself properly, internally and externally, can I be of better service to others.  That may be simply having the emotional energy to support them or the physical energy to assist them with some practical difficulty.  We all deserve to grow and flourish, and this, lovely people, includes those of us going through our middle years.  Many of us are in a position to unfold untold talents that have been lying dormant during the years of partying, working and raising families, among other things.  When wishing others well, please do not forget yourselves;  if you do, you may become invisible and the whole world misses  out on what you truly are, even if it’s an elderly neighbour who looks forward to seeing your smile and exchanging some cheerful banter every so often.  Me?  I am still raising a family and trying to develop my writing and photography, but it is very early days.

What Am I Currently Focussing On?

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Decluttering and minimising

Getting back into exercise and finding what is right for me – this is changing as my body changes

Using good quality, organic and vegan skincare

Taking the supplements for my body’s needs and for optimum skincare

Eating a plant based diet – wholefood at least 80% of the time, with around 20% at most, allocated to treats such as vegan ice cream and wine

Developing myself and skill building

 

I would really love to hear what you are working on, how you are developing yourself or how you are handling the middle years.  I would welcome any tips and advice, as I would like this to be a sharing platform where we can hang out together and share our experiences.

 

*you will NEVER EVER see me training for a marathon! 

**without being an asshole – (thanks and acknowledgement to Sarah Knight ‘You Do You’)